The Last Five Years Songs RANKED

Reader, I was scouting around for some more romance-themed posts to do, since A Court of Silver Flames, while sure to be full of epic and swoonworthy romance, is not exactly the first thing you think of when you think of a love story. So, how about we spend today talking about the destruction of a marriage? That’s romantic, right?

Kidding aside, The Last Five Years seems like a thematically appropriate show to talk about in the month of February. It’s sort of the anti-Valentine’s Day musical, if you will. It’s also one of my favourites, and I always want a chance to gush about it, so I’m seizing the opportunity.

Today, we are going to be ranking the songs from The Last Five Years (based on the movie with Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan because that’s the version I listen to). We’ll put them in order from “averagely good” to “heartbreakingly beautiful” and gush about some of the awesome songwriting that went into this musical.

So let’s jump right into it!

14. Nobody Needs to Know

There was no doubt in my mind that this song was going to be bottom of the list. As well as Jeremy Jordan sings it, there’s just no getting around how unpleasant Jamie is in this song. He’s supposed to be convincing us he’s justified in cheating, and all I want to do is slap him. It does not make me at all sympathetic to Jamie’s perspective.

13. A Part of That

In some ways, Jamie’s unpleasantness colours this song as well. It’s actually fairly sweet, but given what we know about Jamie’s behaviour, it just makes me feel really sad for Cathy, because her husband just sucks so much. That kinds of upsets the balance of the show, putting my sympathies too heavily behind Cathy, and honestly, I blame these two songs for that.

12. The Next Ten Minutes

Now, this song is sweet and cute and fairly inoffensive, which is where the problem lies. Every other song in this show is brimming with powerful, sometimes painful, emotion and this one is just happy and in love like any other romantic duet. I love a good romantic duet, but the depth of emotion in the other songs means a song that’s only about romance ends up falling to the wayside a bit.

11. Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You

Jamie and Cathy’s other duet is so much deeper than the other one, and the fact that it’s this low down on the list really tells you how good the other songs in this show are. I absolutely love the whole conceit of singing together but five years apart, I think their voices sound beautiful together, and I think it’s a perfect cap to the show.

10. See, I’m Smiling

This song is great for a couple reasons. The first is the fact that it does an excellent job of showing Cathy’s personality, both the good and the bad, as she indicates a desire to do better but also passive aggressively attempts to get Jaime to tell her what she wants to hear. And the second reason is once Cathy snaps into just plain aggressive mode, it’s awesome. Her rant to Jaime pretty much hits the nail right on the head and it’s savage and awesome and really satisfying even given how early on in the show it comes.

9. A Miracle Would Happen

Much like “Nobody Needs to Know”, Jaime comes off like a terrible person in this song, but unlike “Nobody Needs to Know,” it’s so funny I can’t help ranking it higher. He’s sleasy, yes, but Jeremy Jordan is just so hilarious and talented he wins me over despite the words he’s singing. He’s got so much charisma, I can’t help myself.

8. I Can Do Better Than That

I was originally going to put this one ninth, but in the end, because it is not about cheating, it gets to be higher up on the list. Those are the rules. Just like “A Miracle Would Happen,” Cathy doesn’t come off like an amazing person in this song, but it’s so funny and bright and catchy, I can’t bring myself to care. So what if she’s a little smug? She’s got the pipes to make it a song worth listening to, so I’ll forgive her.

7. If I Didn’t Believe In You

Of Jamie’s post-marriage songs, this is by far the best. This is the only one where I can see where he’s coming from and genuinely sympathize with him. It’s harsh but it’s honest, and it’s the only one of Jamie’s songs that actually properly strikes that balance. Incidentally, it’s also the song that always makes me think how amazing a gender-swapped version of The Last Five Years would be, but that’s probably a topic for a different post.

6. Shiksa Goddess

I vastly prefer Jamie’s pre-marriage songs to his post-marriage songs. This one in particular is just fun. It’s got all the giddiness of beginning a relationship matched to, as I’ve mentioned before, Jeremy Jordan’s bottomless charisma and charm, so, it’s a really good time all around.

5. Moving Too Fast

And here’s another song that’s made excellent by Jeremy Jordan’s charm! Much like “I Can Do Better Than That,” this song falls a little bit on the smug side, but there’s just too much charm and enthusiasm oozing out of every syllable for me to hold that against it. And also, there’s some killer belting at the end, and I’m a total sucker for Jeremy Jordan belting. I’m only human.

4. Climbing Uphill

This might be the funniest song in the whole show. It’s a patter song, and nothing is funnier than a patter song. Cathy’s frantic inner monologue as she attempts to audition is hilarious and relatable, even for those of us who aren’t struggling actresses. The comedic heights make her final desperation more wrenching, and once again, it makes Cathy infinitely more sympathetic than Jamie.

3. The Schmuel Song

Oh look, another song made magical by the endlessly talented Jeremy Jordan! I mean, “The Schmuel Song” is charming enough on its own, as a means of cheering Cathy up, but throw in Jeremy Jordan’s comedic chops and golden voice and you have a recipe for just about the cutest love song ever written. It’s Jamie’s best moment in the entire show, and it’s also the only time either character is entirely and unselfishly supportive of the other one (which is probably a pretty good indicator about why this marriage failed).

2. A Summer In Ohio

This song toes an excellent line between sympathy and comedy. As Cathy recounts her adventures at summer community theatre, she’s funny and self-deprecating, with only a hint of her later bitterness and it’s the best version of the character by a long shot. It’s also insanely catchy, and just like “Climbing Uphill,” relatable, especially if you know anything about community theatre.

1.Still Hurting

There was no way I could put any other song at the top of the list. “Still Hurting” is a masterpiece in creating character and building sympathy, and it gives Cathy a huge advantage right off the bat, because this song tugs on your heartstrings so much, it’s well nigh impossible to forget it and start sympathizing with Jamie. It’s simple but powerful, one of the greatest opening numbers in a musical, and it’s just perfect.

And there you have it, those are my rankings for all the songs from The Last Five Years. You guys should let me know in the comments what you’re rankings are, stay safe, wear a mask, and I’ll see you on Wednesday.

Until the next time.